ok none of that bullshit emotional stuff

THESE are the best feelings in the world:

  • peeing after holding it in all day
  • orgasms
  • faking ill and getting sent back to bed 
  • when you sing really emotionally and give yourself shivers b/c you’re fucking star quality
  • getting a back massage
  • seeing somebody you don’t like fall over omfg 
  • when you try and talk to your pet in their language and you feel like you’re having a conversation (this might just be me idk)

posted 7 hours ago

chemicaldarkshine:

hardestcopy:

bijou1986:

A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:Hey MomI’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.Love,Your Son.A couple days later he got a response from his mother:Dear Son,I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.When are the two of you coming for dinner?Love,Mom


BEST MOM

I’m crYING

ohmalley-thealliecat:

sam-winchester-cries-during-sex:

lunar-bunnie:

my

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don’t want 

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unless you’ve got

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my snake don’t want habit unless you’ve got rabbits mulan protagonist

That’s the antagonists you moron

posted 7 hours ago

Outside Help

collintate:

This one’s for sixpenceee.

Over the years, I’ve discovered something that I’m not sure what to make of. To put it bluntly there has been several instances where, by all rights, I should have died, or at least been severally injured, and I was pushed into safety. The first…

posted 7 hours ago

laziismorez:

Do you ever follow someone and they follow you and you really wanna be friends with them but you feel like you’re bothering them everytime you try to interact with them but they’re just so cool and you’re just like

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posted 7 hours ago

fireyturtle:

nicelanderenzeru:

ruraljackdaw:

Hugging shorter people and resting your head on theirs

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Hugging taller people and having your head against their chest

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Hugging people your height and pressing your face against their shoulder

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Hugging people and getting picked up by them

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HUGGING

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Not having people to hug

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Giving a hug that comes off as weird

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This post describes me in every way

posted 7 hours ago

I can’t with this sign because

saltandpuff:

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BACK FOOT OPEN

RUB RUB 7 DAYS

posted 7 hours ago

i-effed-it-all-up:

i don’t drunk text, i sad text. i text ppl at night when i am the most lonely and vulnerable, and i cannot be held accountable for what i say under the influence of feelings

posted 7 hours ago

spectredeflector:

Amazing

startingwithayang:

The year is 2214

A person is walking through a mueseum and sees a CD

"I remember that band, my great-grandma used to love them." Says the person

Drum beats fill the air as Fall Out Boy comes down from the heavens

They did it

They were remembered for centuries

posted 7 hours ago

posted 7 hours ago

  • shrek one: BEST
  • shrek two: the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
  • shrek three: bad
  • shrek four: bad

posted 7 hours ago

fuckyeahamurica:

psych2go:

Our psychological state allows us to see only what we want/need/feel to see at a particular time. What are the first three words that you see?

posted 7 hours ago

Rock On